| Training |
[Oct. 1st, 2007|09:22 am] |
I have been well trained by the patriarchy, and its agents. Patriarchs - fathers, teachers, doms, preachers, bosses, gurus - taught me my place. From them I learned:
I am submissive. I like being submissive. My greatest joy in life and where I find my true self is in service to another, be that: wife; personal pet; maid; baby maker; child care worker; mother; sex toy; ornament for his arm; constant companion; a good listener; secretary; unpaid personal assistant. Doing all these things without a shred of resentment will make me spiritual, holy, a giver, pure, elevated in gods sight, womanly, mature, and good. Refusing to do these things, or doing them with anger and resentment, makes me bad, a whore, a slut, selfish, a bitch, a sinner, a rebellious woman, hellbound, materialistic, self-sentered, degraded, and debauched. As a woman, I am inherently a masochist. I enjoy being hit. I enjoy being tied up and "pretend" raped. I enjoy having my privates tortured. These things are fulfilling and inherently arousing to me. It is natural and good for me to crave physcial abuse as a way to reach sexual satisfaction. It's my "orientation" and I should quit fighting it. BDSM is not abuse. It is consensual. See? http://www.evilmonk.org/A/abuse00.cfm (Love the bit at the end, where it is her fault she didn't leave him. He killed her because she didn't have the courage to leave, the stupid, masochistic, weepy victim personality type woman. Not because beating a woman close to you isn't considered a serious enough crime to put the man in jail for it - not because her family and friends didn't want to help her with her financial needs so that she was able to leave without making her children suffer - but because she just wouldn't leave. Oh and never mind that most killings in such relationships happen BECAUSE she left. If the dumb bitches would just give up everything they have to get away from asshole men everything would be solved. It's all their fault.) See, my ex always had safe sex with me, I consented to being tortured to the point of screams and hysterical tears, nothing we did was illegal, the situation was controlled, and my friends were all fine with me acting as a slave to him in public so it did't interfere with my friendships. So it wasn't abuse. I wanted it. I am naturally this way. This is who I am. http://www.sscn.org/abuse.html "D/s frees a submissive from the restraints of years of vanilla conditioning to explore a buried part of herself."
My desire to be touched gently, sweetly, kindly, without being hurt is vanilla conditioning. I have been unfairly burying the part of me that is my true self that wants to be tied up, beaten and raped. "Allowing" myself to be someone's sex slave and be tied up, ordered around, beaten and raped will let me be free to finally be myself. Who I really am is a sex slave.
Except for those days when who I really am is who God (male) made me to be: a submissive, sweet, wife who stays at home with her children, cooking, cleaning, and reading the Bible for recreation. Who I really am inside is a woman who just wants to be normal and happy and clean and chaste. That is my real place in the world. That is who I am.
What is unacceptable is feminism. What is unacceptable is me dictating my own boundaries, declaring my own freedoms, and doing what I want. What is unacceptable is me living without a patriarch telling me what I am allowed to do. Living this way shows I am either neurotic and repressed or insane and out of control and lost in sin.
BDSM and Fundamentalism are two sides of the same coin. Both run almost entirely by patriarchs. Both hierarchal, based on male dominance and female submission (with a few female exceptions allowed to create the illusion of equality so as to shut up any naysayers), both claiming to be natural and normal and preaching/teaching the subordinates (mainly women) that knuckling under will be what makes them happiest, that as soon as they realize their place in the world, and stop fighting God/their true desires, everything else will just fall into place for them. That any lingering doubts or questions come from listeining to the world/repressed vanilla people and they are doing a great, wonderful, rebellious thing by resisting.
I'm done with both of these. |
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